i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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