sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
