WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
