We won't sleep together?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
