My brain says no but my pants say off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
