...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
