I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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