my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
