I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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