My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
