In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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