Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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