The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
