so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize