Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
