I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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