Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
