I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
