He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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