also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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