just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
last night I used snow as a chaser
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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