You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
