I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
