This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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