Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My balls are so social today.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
