Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
