After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
