either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
