I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
