apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
