Michael Bay diarrhea
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
