i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
