The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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