You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have aggressive nipples.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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