dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
