he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
