is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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