So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
