we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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