You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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