and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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