I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
