Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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