thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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