I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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