omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
