How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
