hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
