John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
