I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
