The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im holly from the hills drunk
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
