Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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