carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
