and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
