Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
