tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
