I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
