Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
