i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
false alarm. still invincible.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
