So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
