I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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