Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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