Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
