She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize