he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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