I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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