Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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