How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
