My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
