I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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