chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
