i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
