Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
