I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
