her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
