i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
