I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize