I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize