The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They have beer where we have blood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
